Want me to speak at your funeral?

Contact me for questions involving my attending and speaking at your upcoming funeral. I’m sorry for the loss of you, by the way. Also, submitting this contact form will have nothing to do with your timely passing.

Any sudden passing of every individual who submits this contact form is merely a coincidence.

For legal reasons, I will not engage with representatives of the deceased; I will only communicate directly with subjects. Also, if you have a terminal sense of humor, please do not mess with me. I can’t handle it.